Friday, August 12, 2011

A year and a day

Today, running errands with mommy.

Dear sweet baby boy, 
Today marks one year and a day since getting the letter. 366 days ago Daddy and I were trying to keep ourselves occupied while we waited. It was late at night and I had that ever present knot in my stomach wondering if tonight would be the night.  I kept checking my emails over and over and over. Somehow it made me feel like it did something to refresh that little button. The word wait had been going on repeat in my head for over a year, and even though I knew it was crucial to wait for the right timing and the right baby, I was tired of waiting. Ready to have you in my arms yesterday. 

That night we knew we should be hearing back from our lawyers at anytime, and we knew they had been to Western Uganda and gotten files on two little boys, so I checked a million times a minute. Look at daddy, refresh button. Bite of popcorn, refresh. But over and over again my inbox was empty. Night after night...

and then, there was a email in my inbox. I remember being shocked. Not believing it was real.  11:25 at night. I looked at your daddy and started to cry before I could even get to reading the letter.

Tears. Joy. Tears. 

" ... the child you were given by the home is Asiimwe Joseph.  The child is a baby boy aged five months."

So many tears, so much happiness. 
My whole life changed that very moment. 
A mom and a dad with a baby boy an ocean away from us. Longing for you. 

I remember wishing for you more then I had before that night. Laying in bed and wondering what you were doing. Trying to put a face to your little name. My arms aching to hold you and my lips to kiss your sweet little cheeks. 

And now, 366 days later, I am at a loss for words. Nothing seems right as many times as I rewrite this.

Just know my sweet little man how very thankful I am to be your mommy and so happy we got you. You are perfect in every way and I can't imagine a life without you Finley Asiimwe. I love you to the moon and back little man. Happy one year and a day of being our son. 

Hugs and kisses.