It will happen

This is where I want to be right now.
Not yesterday or tomorrow.
Today.
No where else but here.

The swings are my favorite.
I would spend hours swinging babies. Holding them. Tell them they are loved.
Singing twinkle twinkle little star with my sweet Olivia
Tucking Anthony into bed and singing goodnight moon..
Praying for Moses mommy.
Making sure Elizabeth gets to wear a dress. Because it matters to her. and so it matters to me.

Blowing bubbles with Angela. Watching her wonderment.
Hugging Lucas when he cries.
Kissing Raymonds boo boo's better.
Scolding Sharon for eating dirt but laughing at the same time. So beautiful. So independent.

Bringing all the babies from their cribs onto the porch that morning with Em. Finding a blanket and having five babies to watch each. Taking turns holding them. Rubbing their bellies. Hearing them cooing.

Giving the older girls friendship bracelets. Pink and purple and girly.
Stuart. My sweet sweet Stewy. That smile gets me every time.

Wishing I could bring them all home with me.

I.
Miss.
Sanyu,

end of story.

..lions and tigers and bears...

Dear baby,

I found a new set of prints online today {on fabulous etsy} that I will buy if your a wee one. There are pictures of lions and whales and elephants and they are all oh so happy. But the best thing of all baby is that the lion is wearing knee socks.

I'm missing you and I'm wondering how much longer it will be until your in my arms for the first time...

I love you. Don't you ever forget that.

Mommy

...birthday wishes...

I remember last year on my birthday, me and Ry saying "aww, next year we might be parents.."

and even though we weren't ready to be parents yet, I remember getting teary eyed and wishing so very much that that might be the case.

...and today, it is next year. and even though you are already out there waiting for me, I don't get to celebrate beside me...

All I want to do is see your face, and know the name we will give you...

...Until today, I had forgotten that when I was little I wished for a baby brother on my birthday as I blew out my candles.. and five short little days later we got a call that there was a baby brother waiting for me in Korea...

and so, because of this I bought myself a jumbo pack of birthday candles baby. I'm going to wish on my breakfast that you'll be home soon, my lunch that I'll spend part of April in Uganda. I will blow out candles on my dinner...and my desert. I will be wishing all day that you were here to celebrate with me. I will be praying you home.

and if I'm lucky..

my wish just might come true like it did so many years ago...



{{Me and brother in 1986... he was, without a doubt, my best {late} birthday present..so far...}}