Eye candy

{{Drooling over here, so I thought I would share the prettiness. }}

...today, my friend Ashley {who I share a love of sending pretty things to look at back and forth with} sent me a new site I've never been to.

{{And, needless to say, I was hooked....}} 

It's truly a knitted wonderland... 

These are rattles... {I mean, how much cuter can you get?} I need. 

..and this lovely. So perfection that as soon as I saw it I was whipping out my little savings jars for baby and counting pennies trying to figure out how I could buy it.. 

like, I want it for my room. 

 {Swoon. }

                                                     

...in love with the fabric I found. It has little camera's on it. {I must own a yard and find something to do with it... I'm thinking a pillow for babies rocking chair..? } 

                                                           

   Echino Fabric

and lastly, I am loving this cloth tool set for a little guy.  

   

                                                

Under the Nile

Dear Baby, 

I am forever thinking of you. When it is night here I wonder what you are doing in your daytime. I wait for an email with a picture of you. I dream of what you will look like and what name will fit you. 

I can't wait to meet you and hold you. I don't think I will ever be able to put you down once I hold you in my arms. 

I can't wait to rock you in your rocking chair and have you fall asleep in my arms. 

I'm missing you. I'll love you always. 

Hugs. 

Mommy

Tonight

I dream of an email.
I think of you.
My heart is aching. literally.
I try to distract myself.
But,
..my heart is with you.
Always.

Kisses munange omuto.


Mommy

Truth

‎

“...orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. 

They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.

 It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms...

.... but once you do, everything changes. 

So when you & I hear staggering numbers & statistics about the poor & needy around us & around the world, we have a choice. 
We can switch the channels on our mega T.V’s and continue our comfortable, untroubled, ordinary, church-going lives as if the global poor don’t exist.

 We can let these numbers remain cold, distant, and almost imaginary....

Or we can open our eyes and our lives to the realities that surround us and begin considering the faces that are represented by these numbers.”

 -David Platt

Uganda, the pearl of Africa.

Today, I spent the later part of the afternoon googling maps of Uganda.
As the sun sank in the sky and the afternoon breeze started to blow, I searched the internet.
Discovering.
Trying to get a feel for what the country as a whole looks like, not just the small part of it we traveled though last time.
I worked on saying the names of the towns. Learned what villages are west, north and south of Kampala.
Got my bearings.
Researched.
And, in the midst of learning more about Uganda, I began to fall more in love with the country...

As dinner bubbled over on the stove, I went to The Lonely planet .
I selected my continent of choice.
Region.
& Country.
I started on history, then went to pictures. {I am a photographer after all! }
and if I wasn't head over heels in love with my sweet babies country before seeing the pictures I found, {which I most positively was}
 I definitely am now.

Uganda is said to be the pearl of Africa. And I would argue anyone who doubts me.

{And hippos?} Swoon.

It's been a secret wish of mine for awhile now, but I desperately want to be able to see a bit more of the country then last time when we travel again.
I would love to be able to tell my baby of their country. Firsthand.
Show them pictures we took. Hang those pictures in their bedroom.
Truly understand their culture.

{{and someday, when they are older and can understand it all, I want to take baby back, so they can fall in love with Africa for themselves }}

And now, a few pictures I found of the beloved country.

{{Go ahead...I dare you not to fall a bit in love. ..}}

                                                                                Mt Baker {from Irene lakes} 

                               Sipi Trail, Mt Elgon National Park.

                               Dugout canoes at market

Above Murchison Falls

And to my darling sweets, 

I love you. I think of you often. And soon, so very soon, I shall hold you in my arms and cover you with kisses. 

xxoo 

In my heart.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


- e. e. cummings

...

I try and image what it will be like when I get that email.
Will I be awake, refreshing my inbox. Over and over.
Or will I wake from a slumber to an email about you.
Will I be alone or will your daddy be beside me?

I try and image how I will feel when I see your picture for the very first time.
Put a face to the child of my heart.
Will I cry? Will I even be able to speak a single word? But mostly I wonder whether I will know.
My heart whispering that you are mine. 

I try and image the call to your grandparents, aunts and uncles. The joy.
We have a baby. A baby!

I think of getting on an airplane to meet you. Fidgeting with the seatbelt. Staring out the window into the black night.
The nervousness.
The hurry up and just get me there already feeling.
The hours it will take.
I am sure I won't sleep a wink... but dear baby, I will be dreaming the entire flight.

I wonder how I will feel when our plane finally lands in Entebbe. A rush of emotions. A swirl of thoughts.
I think of how it will be when I get in that taxi that will take me to Kampala. To you. 
I try and imagine what it will be like when I am on African soil again, the lush landscape rushing by.
Getting to the hotel.
Arriving at the orphanage.
The boda not stopping fast enough. Wanting to jump off and run the rest of the way..

I try and imagine the feeling of seeing my dreams finally taking shape.
All the countless nights of wondering about you.
Thinking of you. Dreaming of you.
Finally here.
In person.
Before me.
My darling sweet baby who I have waited so long for.
But, will you be waiting for me? Will you know that it is me, your mommy who has waited for you, and prayed for you and dreamed of you for so long?

I try to imagine that feeling of seeing you, little you, in person for the very first time.
Your skin dark and warm, your eyes soft and sweet. Our baby. Our baby.
My arms dying to hold you. My heart overflowing.
Will you come to me?

I try and imagine holding you in my arms. Wrapping you up. Holding ever so tightly.
Never wanting to let you go.
People say there is no love at first sight. I will know them to be wrong on that day. For even though I know little now, I do know, without a doubt, that on that day I will love you like nothing else.
And very much in love with you I will be.
It will be a love at first sight.
First glance.
First thought even.
For even though I do not know you, I love you.
{and as the days pass, I will only, always, love you more. }

I think of our first full day together. Will I read to you?
Will we play? Sing songs?
Will I rock you to sleep when the day closes?
Will I even be able to put you down ? Ever?

I think of the feeling I will get when we go to court. Imagine the judge before us. The questions.
I try and imagine the utter elation when we get your visa in our hands. I come up at a loss.
Thankfulness.
Love.
Happiness that can't be contained.
Tears.

I think of your plane ride home to your new home. Will I be with you or will daddy be bringing you to me?
And if I am having to wait at the airport, I think of how I will wait.
I will be there hours before the plane is to arrive. Just in case. 
Scanning the crowds.  Standing on my tiptoes.  Searching for my loves.
Ready and waiting to cover you both in kisses.

I think of getting you home to our house. Tucking you into bed.
Covers to your chin, teddy on your right.
Kissing your little eyelids as you slumber.
Listening to your steady breathing.
Thankful. So very thankful.

....and someday my dear sweet one, i will try and imagine our life without you. And I will be at a loss.
For there was no life before you I am sure.
You are my little one and I am your mommy.

Hopefully waiting.

Your Mommy