Tuesday, October 5, 2010

No words

We have a photo of our little man. 
And, why yes, he is perfect in every possible way.
I can't wait to show you all his beautiful little face. 
However, until he is legally ours, I can't. 
But I can tell you, we have named him.
{and announced it} 
our sons name is

 Finley Lane 
04.15.10




Dear Finley,
Words can't even express the feeling I had when I first saw your little face. It was mixture of emotions all at once, I was choking, sobbing, hysterical, happy. And I kept saying over and over "oh he's beautiful. he's prefect. he's beautiful. Can you believe how beautiful he is?" to your daddy over the phone.
He, of course, was just in awe of you as I was at that moment.
There were simply, no words.
It was love in an instant.

I had wanted to be with your daddy when we got your picture, but instead I was at an exit off the 5 in route to Los Angeles. We had known we might, possibly, hopefully get a picture of you the night before, and we didn't sleep a wink as I kept checking my phone over and over.
But in the morning there was no picture.
Again.
I waited as long as I could that morning before leaving, hoping we would get the email before I left. But ten in the morning came and went and I had to get on the road to make it to my shoot that evening.

I was talking to your great grandma Bonnie and lost my signal as I pulled in. I wasn't surprised as I always, never failing, lose signal at that exit. Getting out of the car, I started to pump gas. It was quite still and there was a chill in the air.
I remember being happy in that moment.
And then, then,  my phone showed up that I had a message from your foster dad.
I almost died on the spot.
Even though I knew that there was no signal at that exit, I was trying so hard to see if I had enough to get your daddy on the phone.
And I did.
We lost each other a few times, but finally I pulled to the edge of the lot where I could get two bars of signal.
And together we opened your picture at the same time.
The people walking their dogs stared at me in my car.
I'm sure I was a sight.
Crying hysterics.
Gasping for breath.
Staring at my phone.
Your little face on my screen.
So so happy.

You my dear son are perfect in every way possible.
I have counted your fingers and traced your face twenty million times already.
I am counting down the days until I can count your fingers and toes in person.
Twelve days.
Twelve days until my arms no longer ache for you.
Twelve days until I can finally whisper in your ear.
Twelve days until I get to kiss your sweet little cheeks.
October 17th can't come fast enough.

Hugs and kisses.

Mommy

10 comments:

Mom Of Many said...

Oh my. Made Mimi cry. And Mimi can't wait to see you in your mommy's arms...to know you are safe...and to know that you will never again have to sleep without your family....you are loved little man - oh, so loved! xo

Bren said...

I found your blog a couple months ago and have been following your adoption journey. What an incredible journey it seems to be for you both. I one day hope to be able to adopt with my husband and have wanted to do this since I was a little girl so I am very happy to see someone going through the process and opening my eyes to what may be to come. I can't wait to keep reading and hearing all about your trip to meet your son. By the way I love his name! I also started a blog recently so feel free to stop by!
http://marriednowbabytime.blogspot.com/

Janine Deckard said...

I have read your blog so many times just hoping to hear news of your baby. I'm so totally thrilled that it's finally happened for you. I pray for peace and ease in the coming days. No more waiting! Keep us all in the loop. Thank you for sharing this exciting time in your life.

Ellie said...

WOW! 12 days - okay only 11 now! Can't wait to see your gorgeous man - and I LOVE his name :)

scrappy quilter said...

WOW I can't believe you will meet your little man in 12 days. That's God!! Love his name too.

- Sarah :-) said...

Oh my goodness!! That is so so SOO exciting!!

I've been reading yourblog for a little while, now, but don't always get to comment. So Sorry for the random posting, but I just had to say that it's getting SO CLOSE!! This time next week, you will have had a few days with him. Can you believe it??

So excited for you guys!!

Shyla said...

My darling Finley Quiz... I cannot WAIT TO SQUEEEEEZE you. You are, indeed, oh so beautiful....ahem... I mean... handsome and studly.

Chiconky said...

I just found your blog a few weeks ago. Congratulations on becoming a mom! It's amazing, isn't it? And it just keeps getting better.

I love the name. Very cool.

Nichole said...

I have been following your blog for a year since I briefly met you at Redcoats :) I was on my second date with my boyfriend and you gave me your card with your amazing photography...I decided it was a good luck charm and hopefully a sign for my flourishing relationship ;) (Call me crazy!) I decided then, that when the day comes (SOMEDAY I swear it will!) you will hopefully be my photographer... and it has been on my frige ever since.
I am in LOVE with your writing, your eye for amazing creative beauty and your blog :) I am SO very happy to hear you and your family are finally going to have your dreams come true. Keep writing...
xo

Ab said...

Nichole,
You made me tear up! Now I MUST shoot your wedding! No questions asked! :)