No words

We have a photo of our little man. 

And, why yes, he is perfect in every possible way.

I can't wait to show you all his beautiful little face. 

However, until he is legally ours, I can't. 

But I can tell you, we have named him.

{and announced it} 

our sons name is

 Finley Lane 

04.15.10

Dear Finley,
Words can't even express the feeling I had when I first saw your little face. It was mixture of emotions all at once, I was choking, sobbing, hysterical, happy. And I kept saying over and over "oh he's beautiful. he's prefect. he's beautiful. Can you believe how beautiful he is?" to your daddy over the phone.
He, of course, was just in awe of you as I was at that moment.
There were simply, no words.
It was love in an instant.

I had wanted to be with your daddy when we got your picture, but instead I was at an exit off the 5 in route to Los Angeles. We had known we might, possibly, hopefully get a picture of you the night before, and we didn't sleep a wink as I kept checking my phone over and over.
But in the morning there was no picture.
Again.
I waited as long as I could that morning before leaving, hoping we would get the email before I left. But ten in the morning came and went and I had to get on the road to make it to my shoot that evening.

I was talking to your great grandma Bonnie and lost my signal as I pulled in. I wasn't surprised as I always, never failing, lose signal at that exit. Getting out of the car, I started to pump gas. It was quite still and there was a chill in the air.
I remember being happy in that moment.
And then, then,  my phone showed up that I had a message from your foster dad.
I almost died on the spot.
Even though I knew that there was no signal at that exit, I was trying so hard to see if I had enough to get your daddy on the phone.
And I did.
We lost each other a few times, but finally I pulled to the edge of the lot where I could get two bars of signal.
And together we opened your picture at the same time.
The people walking their dogs stared at me in my car.
I'm sure I was a sight.
Crying hysterics.
Gasping for breath.
Staring at my phone.
Your little face on my screen.
So so happy.

You my dear son are perfect in every way possible.
I have counted your fingers and traced your face twenty million times already.
I am counting down the days until I can count your fingers and toes in person.
Twelve days.
Twelve days until my arms no longer ache for you.
Twelve days until I can finally whisper in your ear.
Twelve days until I get to kiss your sweet little cheeks.
October 17th can't come fast enough.

Hugs and kisses.

Mommy