Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful for...

my favorite boys.
that we're together for Thanksgiving. 
For food on our tables.
and a Christmas tree waiting to be decorated.
Belly laughs.
The smell of cinnamon. 
Milky baby breath.
Cuddling on the couch. 
Christmas music.
Family near us and family far.  
Baby kisses.  

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A picture is worth a 1000 words

{{so I'll quit talking now}}

                                                                                                              me and baby. nile river. 2010.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Happiness here it comes

We are descending.
Out the window I glimpse the brilliant city of San Francisco stretching out below us.
And then the plane turns and there is a flash of blue sky.
The wheels come out, squeaky and loud. Finley looks up at me with his big wide eyes.
I assure him it's okay, and he proceeds to suck his little finger.
He lays his other hand atop mine.
The wheels of the plane touch the ground just as I rest my chin on his head.

"Welcome to America my little man"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Torn as I could be...

As we walk towards the plane, I am struck with a thought.
Remember this moment. 
And for a second I am torn. My heart feels like it is ripping.
We are leaving Africa.
I search the horizon.
I take deep breaths of the Ugandan air. Breathing it in.
I try to understand what this moment means to my son.
We are leaving his country, taking him to his new home.
I start to get choked up.
Blinking back tears.
Heart in my throat.
We are going home. 
I want to give hugs to the ticket agents. The flight attendants. The pilot.
Anyone and everyone involved with getting us on that plane.
We are going home.
Home to the US.
Home to daddy.
I don't think it's possible to feel as many emotions that I am feeling right now...
as I climb the steps I am trying to memorizing the feelings I am feeling.
Trying to remember this moment for my son who won't be able to remember it.
The happiness. The fears.
Clutching him to me as I step on to the platform. I look one more time over my shoulder.
and I whisper goodbye to the night.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Mangos and fields of sugar cane.

Baby is sleeping beside me in an afternoon slumber. The fan is creaking back and forth and it looks like it is going to rain outside. Far across the ocean, husband man is at our house. It is night time in California and I'm sure he is sleeping right now, cuddled up with our pups.
I miss him being beside me.
But all in all, I am content with where I am.

I fall more in love with Uganda each and every day I spend here. Beans and chipotis. The greenery surrounding the city. The dark red dirt. Banana plantations. Bodas. The Ugandan people and their hearts and ready smiles.

I love how when I say that my baby's name is Asiimwe they say "ohhhh that is a good name" and give me ten different things it means. All similar, and wonderful just the same. Asiimwe. From western Uganda. Thanks to God. 

{could anything be more perfect?} 

I am in love with the fog that blankets the city in the mornings. The rain that comes, without fail, every afternoon. The laundry hanging on the clothes line.The nile river. Monkeys running past us. Mangos. Fields of sugar cane. Orange fanta.

I am content here.
I am happy.

Friday, November 5, 2010

19 days

Dear Finley,

It's been nearly 3 months since we found out you were ours.

and 21 days ago we boarded a plane to Africa. Heading straight to you. and I've got to tell you little man, we couldn't get there fast enough.

19 days ago we bumped along a dirt road. Toto was on the radio, singing his song about Africa. I remember hearing it as I looked out the window, taking in the lush Ugandan scenery, and smiling. Thinking how very fitting it was. My hands were tingling as they always do when I'm nervous and I kept forcing myself to take deep breaths. Stealing glances at your daddy. Wondering if he was as nervous as I was.

Yes my son, it's been 19 day since the very first time I saw you in person. You cried the first time you laid eyes on your daddy and I. But then, then we held you, and you stared at us. Big big eyes. Tiny little baby. Our baby.

It was surreal really, that first day with you. We were so exhausted from our flights, and yet so over the moon excited to have you in our arms. We got back to our room and laid on the bed, your daddy, you and me. We stared at each other. We traced your fingers and toes. Daddy pointed your birthmarks out to me first. The one on your knee. The scar behind your ear.
We laid there together the remainder of the afternoon.
Getting to know each other.
Learning about you.
Falling more in love with every passing second.

... that first night with you daddy and I barely slept at all. I would open my eyes and find your daddy already watching you sleep. Our eyes would meet over your little sleeping body and we would smile in the dark at each other. Catching each others hand. Whispering about how perfect you are, and oh my goodness, we have a baby. 

It's been 19 days since then and it's not becoming any less like a dream. You are perfect to your daddy and I and we love you so so very much.

Hugs and kisses my love.